Break the Pattern, Build the Love: Jillian Turecki on Healing Relationships

Dear Listeners,

Welcome to the My Legacy Podcast & Syndicated Radio Show, where we explore timeless lessons, meaningful connections, and the power of creating a living legacy. Hosted by Arndrea Waters King and Martin Luther King III, alongside Marc Kielburger and Craig Kielburger, our show brings you transformative conversations that inspire impact, fulfillment, and healing.

This week, we welcome Jillian Turecki- renowned relationship coach, New York Times bestselling author, and advisor to the Bumble dating app. With millions of followers across social media, Jillian is a beacon of wisdom for those navigating the complexities of love, heartbreak, and personal growth. Her insights are rooted in lived experience, deep psychological study, and an unshakable belief that healing is always possible.

Joined by her dear friend and fellow educator Nikki, Jillian opens up about the emotional challenges of her upbringing, the legacy of her father- famed psychiatrist Dr. Stanley Turecki- and how her journey from chaos to clarity has shaped her mission to help others transform their relationships from the inside out.

Episode Summary

In this raw and revealing conversation, Jillian Turecki takes us back to her childhood home, where emotional volatility shaped her earliest understandings of connection, love, and conflict. As the daughter of Dr. Stanley Turecki, author of The Difficult Child, Jillian has long wrestled with the intersection of public insight and private pain. But it’s precisely this complexity that fuels her empathetic, no-nonsense approach to coaching.

Jillian shares how her early experiences of dysfunction laid the groundwork for repeated relationship patterns- until she made the conscious choice to break them. With vulnerability and insight, she explores the process of surrender, self-responsibility, and how she built a new foundation for healthy, lasting love.

Nikki, her friend and fellow educator, highlights the role of sisterhood and personal transformation in their shared journey- reminding us that deep friendship can be a mirror, a balm, and a powerful catalyst for growth.

This is more than a conversation about romance- it’s a masterclass in emotional resilience, intentional living, and the kind of legacy we build through every relationship we choose to repair, reimagine, or release.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• How childhood patterns shape adult relationships- and how to consciously rewrite those scripts

• Why “surrender and then make a plan” is Jillian’s formula for change

• The power of emotional regulation and nervous system awareness in love and conflict

• How to differentiate between chemistry and compatibility

• Why self-responsibility is the foundation of lasting intimacy

• How real friendship can change the course of your healing journey

Deep Dive: Science, Legacy, and Relationship Psychology

Jillian’s approach aligns with a wealth of psychological research. Studies show that attachment patterns formed in early childhood- particularly in environments marked by emotional unpredictability- have a profound effect on adult romantic relationships. According to attachment theory, those who grew up with emotionally unavailable or volatile caregivers may develop anxious or avoidant styles of connection. Source

However, neuroscience gives us hope: the brain is plastic. With intention, we can rewire our responses. A 2020 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that mindfulness-based emotional regulation techniques can significantly reduce reactivity and increase relationship satisfaction. Source

Jillian’s mantra- “Surrender, then make a plan”- echoes the dialectical balance seen in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), where acceptance and change go hand in hand.

Her work also touches on the role of nervous system regulation. Research into polyvagal theory highlights how our autonomic nervous system responds to perceived safety in relationships. When we learn to regulate these responses, we can shift from survival-based relating (fight/flight/freeze) to connection-based relating (co-regulation and safety). Source

Jillian’s emphasis on friendship as healing is equally supported: strong social ties have been shown to buffer against depression and accelerate personal growth, particularly after emotional trauma.

Reflection and Discussion Questions

Journal Prompts

• What relationship patterns have I repeated- and where do they come from?

• Where in my life am I ready to surrender, and what’s the next small plan I can make?

• How do I define emotional safety in relationships?

• What does real accountability look like in love?

Group or Personal Reflection

• What’s the difference between chemistry and compatibility?

• How can we take radical responsibility for our side of every relationship dynamic?

• In what ways can friendship be just as transformative as romantic love?

Family Conversations

• How do we model emotional regulation at home?

• What do we teach our children about conflict and repair?

• How can we build a family legacy of healthy communication?

Additional Resources

• Jillian Turecki’s Website and Courses

• The Difficult Child by Dr. Stanley Turecki

• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

• Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana

• Jillian’s Instagram & TikTok @jillianturecki

• Bumble’s Advice Column with Jillian

Next Week

In the next episode, we continue our exploration of legacy, leadership, and impact. We’ll hear from another extraordinary guest who is reshaping the way we think about storytelling, social justice, and personal transformation.

Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter and the My Legacy Podcast & Syndicated Radio Show on the iHeart app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Follow us on social @mylegacymovement on Facebook and Instagram or visit us at mylegacy.com

‍